Have you ever felt “I really want this or that but……”? Or more specifically“ I really want this relationship but…….,” “I really want to be successful but…….”? And after the “but” is a host of reasons why you actually do not want it and in fact, actually fear it. It is really helpful to examine what the “buts” are hiding, because when our mind is split like this, it keeps us stuck however much we may want to move forward.
When we look at the “buts” we realise that we are actually most fearful of being rejected in some way. This key fear seems to be able to paralyse us in our endeavours to move forward. Take success for example. I would love to be a more successful spiritual teacher but…….. I am scared about what people would think of me; I am scared that they would say ”who is she to do that,” “what gives her the right to teach this information” and “she hasn’t got a perfect life so she’s shouldn’t be teaching this information.” I fear the criticism and the feeling that I am not good enough that goes with this territory.
Another fear I have associated with being more successful is being overwhelmed with the amount of work it would require and not having enough support to run a bigger business. My last business was successful and I had to work long hours to keep it at a high standard and part of me doesn’t want to have to do that again. Although I had plenty of people who did help me with the business from book- keepers to a manager and from part time staff to full time staff, somehow I fear that this time around I won’t get the same support.
I think my last fear is what I will have to give up in order to have greater success. I like having time for my family and friends; I like being able to take time out to go off for lovely spa days; I like having the time for my meditation practice in my days without having to cram it in to a busy morning schedule when there really isn’t enough time for it. Right now, I have a balanced life style and the thought of losing that is not very appealing.
If we add these things together you can see why having a bigger career and greater success is not really supported by my Universe!
So how can we change these splits in our minds?
Here are four ideas that I use and I am going to use my example for clarity:
Firstly, we have to understand that there are two part of our minds wanting two different things. We can only heal these differences in our thinking if we understand how both parts of us think. Added to this there is also a middle way which is our Truth. This Truth does not swing between two polarities. It remains constant in its desire of us to fulfil our potential and be all that we are here to be.
So, to return to my example, there is a part of me that wants greater success because that part of me sees it as part of the higher plan for my life. This part of me ultimately has my highest good at heart and knows that this would bring me a huge sense of fulfilment. However, working in opposition to this is the part of me that wants to protect me from people’s rejection and criticism; it wants to keep me safe, out of harm’s way and not subject to the projections that can so easily be put on public figures in any field. This part of me too also has my highest good at heart and believes that through keeping me safe and protected it is providing me with a “safe route” to fulfilment.
So what is the middle way here? A way where I can happily move forward and feel confident and secure doing so. This middle way could provide situations which can support my sense of safety while I grow in courage to move beyond my fears. The middle way can help me focus not on people’s projections, but on the huge amount of praise I have already had for my teaching.
The way I like to heal these two conflicting parts of me is to imagine that, having listened to and understand the thinking of both parts, I bring them one from my left and one from my right into a middle area of gold light, the light of Christ consciousness. This consciousness has the power to heal and purify my conflicted thinking and bring about the middle way of Truth. I then place all of this energy and light into my heart and allow all the very best thinking of both parts of me to remain and all the fear based thinking to be purified and cleansed away.
Secondly, I know that what I fear that others will be thinking about me can only hurt me if I am already thinking that about myself. If I am thinking “who am I to do that and to teach this information” or “I don’t have a perfect life so i shouldn’t be doing it” these words have the power to hurt me and upset me. However if I am thinking that “I am here to serve and make a difference to people in the very best way that I can,” or “this is something that I feel inspired to share with others” or “my life has provided me with a whole host of learning opportunities that provide me with valuable insights into how best to help and heal people” then I am able to move beyond my own fearful thinking.
Thirdly, to support this thinking I know that nobody can reject me unless I first am rejecting myself in any way. The more I am able to focus on loving and appreciating each and every part of myself (including the parts of me that are scared), the less likely I am to be rejected anyway. As always our focus has to be on self love, self approval and taking responsibility for supporting ourselves as we move forward on our path of growth. This requires regular checking in with ourselves and acknowledging how we are feeling and what we need at any given moment. The more we are able to keep this present focus with ourselves as we go about our daily lives, especially when we are with others, the more we stay connected to our inner being.
Fourthly,with regard to my fears of having too much work and not enough free time to keep my life in balance, I sense that that is really up to me to regulate. It is about managing my schedule and not taking on more than I feel I am able to. One of the keys to my abilities and skills is the amount of time I spend on my inner work and meditation practice, so ensuring that I had sufficient time to devote to that would have to become priority. And, as I did before, I would again employ more people to help me and support me in the tasks that are not my area. This means that this really isn’t a “but…..” that I need to allow to stop me.
So to conclude, the more we are able to heal our split minds, the more easily we are able to move forward. We can hand over all of our fears to our Higher Mind or to God for complete healing, so that we are able to move beyond them with ease. And as always, ask for a miracle!
I would like to finish by reminding us all of the famous quote by Marianne Williamson in Return to Love which is so apt to support what I have been saying:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”