We have been brought up to believe that being independent is a good thing. We think that being independent is cool and courageous, that being independent we do not need anyone, we are a free spirit. People who have an unhealthy attachment to being independent hold the belief that they can do everything on their own. Relying on other people is not something they would choose to do. They find it easier to rely purely on themselves and not get into situations which could mean having to depend on others.
Whilst it is possible to be too dependent on others and rely on them for everything in a way that does not take responsibility for your own life, in between these two extremes there is a healthy dependence on others. This healthy dependence opens us up to sharing, receiving and greater collaboration with other people. For by being independent, you are closing the door to receiving from others and as such blocking the flow of giving and receiving. It quite literally limits what you are able to receive.
This pattern of independence comes from our childhood and from feeling that our parents were not meeting our need for love, appreciation and approval. When these needs are perceived as not being met, despite the painful feelings that we are experiencing, we make a decision that we do not need people and we will go if alone. This leads us into patterns of behaviour that always seek to keep us separate from others, never allowing us to get into a position where we might need another. It causes us to end relationships in the belief that we do not “need” that person, or the negative feelings they are bringing up in us, in our life. It becomes safer and easier to sever connections and not see people, rather than do your best to resolve problems through communication. This communication requires, of course, that you be open and possibly show your vulnerability, which an independent person may not be at all willing or able to do. It is always safer to end something rather than expose the painful feelings that a situation or relationship is bringing up in you. This does not mean that you should remain in a relationship where you feel you have given your best and that “best” is not returned by your partner; it does not mean that if you inner wisdom is telling you to let a relationship go that you should stay in it; but it does mean that if a relationship is right to be healed through communication at the right time, then that willingness to be open and truly reveal your feelings is the way forward.
One key aspect of healthy dependence is the dependence you have on your inner sense of being; this may be a dependence on God, the Tao, your angels, your Higher Self or you inner being. This in-dependence is what healthy dependence is all about – the ability to rely at all times on the innate intelligence within you. This reliance is on the innate intelligence within your body as well as the inner wisdom and knowing of your mind and its inherent connection to something far bigger and more universal than yourself. This connection gives you the answers you need; the advice and guidance that you seek and the ability to solve all your problems in the highest and best way possible.
The more you are able to rely on this inner connection, the more you will find it easier and easier to depend on the people in your life. It will be easy to trust people if you trust this inner connection and it will be easy to depend on people if you are willing to depend on this in all that you do. So whenever you feel in need of support, guidance or solutions, go to that Source within you and ask that part of you to help you; and then be willing to ask the people in your life to help you also and you will find that, like that Source within you, they are more than willing to do so. From there all you have to do is be totally open to receiving and think of your receptivity as your act of creation!