We have all experienced the pain of being rejected: we didn’t get the job that we had hoped for, we didn’t get the part we wanted, someone who we care about alienates us and the one we love doesn’t want us. Whatever the cause, it is not a palatable emotion to deal with and if we are not very careful it can lead us into feelings of being unloved, unwanted and unworthy. And yet in truth, everything that is meant for you will not go by you and we have to know that if we didn’t get the situation or person we wanted, it is because there is someone and something better coming our way. But, it is one thing knowing that and it is another thing dealing with the emotions that come up when we feel rejected and hurt.
I was seeing a man for several years who I absolutely adored. He was not only attractive but well balanced in his masculine and feminine energy. He was very effective and much loved in his job and he had this soft, gentle quality about him coupled with being intuitive and in tune with his sense of energy. He was a lot younger than me, but we seemed to get on very well and I was happy to give him my time and my energy while we were together. But ……much to my upset, he did not want a committed relationship with me. This was because he wanted children and I already have a daughter and did not want another! I guess due to my feelings for him I over looked this point, hoping that somehow it would work out.
As time went by it was hard not to feel rejected by him as my love for him grew. He was always really kind to me, bringing round lovely food and wine for us to have, helping me out with things and being a listening ear when I needed it. But, he would not entertain my suggestion that we have a committed relationship. Eventually, we ended up just being friends and still seeing each other because I thought I might find that easier. Mostly I did, but truly, I was always living in hope that one day he might change his mind.
As time went by circumstances seemed to separate us and at first I tried hard to keep it going. He though seemed happier to let us gradually drift apart, only contacting me occasionally. I ended up with this inner turmoil of wanting to see him and at the same time thinking it would be much better for me if I didn’t, if I just let him go and moved on. In the end, I knew I had to make a clean break from him, asking him not to contact me anymore and I knew intuitively that this was the right thing to do.
Throughout this two year period I felt the pangs of rejection – the feeling of not being wanted, the feeling of loving someone more than they appeared to love you, the feeling of wanting something to work that the other person did not have as their vision for the relationship. Over this period I certainly released a lot of tears and I am sure that was part of the Divine plan.
When I reflected on the relationship, I knew that the lesson of the relationship was that of letting go…letting go of hopes, expectations, desires, wants and just accepting and going with ‘what is’. This is not an easy thing to do when your heart is involved and you have this desire for more! I just had to keep honouring my emotions as they came up and just letting them be. I can say that I have now learnt that lesson and really have let him go.
Something that I recognise is that as much as we may want to let go, and I did want to let go of the “wanting” while I was in this situation, there is always one thing that blocks us, and that is our pain. As we release deeply held pain from within our psyches, it has this lubricating effect on our minds and we are able to let go in those areas where we think we just can’t.
All relationships that come to us, bring up issues from our past and help us heal some of our wounding that we inadvertently received as children. All parents set out to do their best and often circumstances and their own personal experiences from their upbringing prevent them from giving us the love and the nurturing we require as children. If we were lucky enough to be born to parents who consistently told us that we were totally loved at all times, regardless of how we behaved or performed, we would not have these feelings and fears of rejection buried within us. Most of us though have experienced these feelings of rejection at some point in our childhood. When we feel them again in our adult lives, they hit our old wounds that have come to the surface to be healed.
In truth, people can only do to us what we are doing to ourselves and so each time we experience rejection, it is a sign to us that we are rejecting ourselves in some way. When people won’t commit to us, it is because we are not committing to our self-love and the relationship we have with ourselves.This is something I have worked on since parting from this man and I now have this commitment to myself as my priority.
Whenever we feel unloved or unwanted we just have to remember that we are perfectly loved, not only by our friends and family, but most importantly by the Creator who really does have our best interests at heart. We may not agree with His plans for us initially, and, as we look at the lesson we are learning we can see its value in setting us up perfectly to achieve our destiny and all that we are capable of having.
Once we have healed our feelings of pain, we can accept that any rejection we experience is God’s way of saying… “it’s not now, it’s not yet and it’s not with this one, because something better is coming your way!”